Meanwhile, in a town called Spoons
by Tsiuq
Summary: Ino misses Arizona, with its dry climate, normal people, and beautiful sunsets. She suspects that Spoons was founded by a bunch of drunk rich people, who made it a requirement that everyone must be strange to live there. DEAD FIC, for now.
1. Chapter 1

Meanwhile, in a town called Spoons…

Ino did not like rain. This statement is on par with "Hitler wasn't a very nice man." or "Straw is a poor building material." Or, in a similar vein of thought, "Ino doesn't want to move to Spoons, Washington." Thus it should come as no surprise that Ms. Yamanaka was in passive-aggressive mode as the moving van pulled up next to the vacant storefront. (There was living space above it.) However, Ino was no a selfish girl. She was 16, after all, so she was accustomed to change, although it tended to manifest in her body's growth and her temperament. Though she was secretly disappointed in some areas, she had a normal height and a certain slim grace, so she couldn't complain. Too much. Especially if she gets her monthly dose of really good chocolate. Regardless, both she and her parents have become accustomed to her new emotional balance. Thus it is that Ino silently helps transport flowers, boxes, vases, and luggage. Ino thanked her lucky stars that the weather deigned not to rain upon them in mid move. Just as this thought crosses her mind, rain patters… smugly. She couldn't hold back a laugh. This signaled the end of her bad mood, and so the Yamanaka household was peaceful. Ino flumped down on the couch amidst the cardboard strewn living room. Mr. Yamanaka donned a very manly daisy-laced apron and started frying noodles. Mrs. Yamanaka gracefully deposited herself on the cool carpet floor. Muffled a bit by her folded arms, she let out a yawn and promptly fell asleep. (The parents had taken turns driving though the night.) The next few days flowed along reasonably smoothly. (There was some excitement when they ousted a family of rats from the kitchen cupboard.) As the house grew to resemble a home, Ino could feel summer vacation slip through her fingers. Before she knew it, the mists of morning swirled around her and her father as they strode to the car. The girl fidgeted with her backpack straps.

"Now, I realize you're nervous, being the new kid. However, for a limited time, you will be an unknown. Unknowns can be frightening, but also enticing. So you shouldn't date for the next three months."

"Daaad…"

"Alright, I'll trust your judgment, but be careful."

"You're so embarrassing."

"But you loooove me."

*Sigh* "Yes, dad. Now can we talk about something else?"

"Too late sweetie. We're here."

Ino turned in surprise. It was an old building. It resembled a rundown mansion, as much as a school. The sign out front and the graveled playground tipped the scales. As she climbed out, Ino saw a small add on that looked to be a small gymnasium, significantly newer than the building it was attached to. Ino waved to her father as he drove away. Taking a deep breath, she turned to school and marched up, determined to remain firmly in control of her day.

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"Let's see here… Mr. Hatake, first period, room 203. Right."

Ino knew the map she held would be priceless during the next few days. As she opened the door, something fell on her head, and she sneezed. _'awesome.' _The class in front of her had a mixed reaction. A blond with outrageous sideburns was howling in laughter. A pale girl in front had a look of sympathy and complete embarrassment. The rest ran through the spectrum between amused and exasperated.

"Honestly, Naruto, it's not that funny." A pink haired girl with an irritable expression picked up the eraser from the floor and chucked it at the offending party. _'bullseye'_ was the second thought to go through our hero's head. Absently brushing chalk dust from her head, Ino sighed and said, "Hello, my name is Ino Yamanaka."

"Sakura Haruno. And that delinquent is Naruto Uzumaki. For the record, though, that eraser was meant for our teacher. He should be here any hour now."

Ino looked at her strangely as she sat next to Sakura. "Any hour now?"

"Mr. Hatake is late every day. Luckily he teaches English, so we just read our assigned reading until he gets here."

"Sounds easy."

"Oh, it is, until he gives us a test. Those things are murder."

Just then the door opened, revealing a surprised grey-haired man. Ino couldn't help but wonder why he wore a Phantom of the Opera mask.

"You're late!" Ino wasn't surprised by her new friend's reaction. She was more surprised to hear it in stereo. Looking back, she saw Naruto glaring furiously.

"Yo." Is this really a teacher?

"I was helping an old lady cross the river…"

"LIAR!" Again, the stereo yell.

"Anyways, it looks like we have a new student. How about you introduce yourself?"

Ino was a tad embarrassed. "My name is Ino Yamanaka, and I'm from Tuscan Arizona."

"Thank you. Alright class, the first book we will be reading this year is Fahrenheit 451. I'll be expecting your report…"

She could feel herself ease into the normal rhythm of high school. Some things stay the same wherever you are. At the end of the period, Ino waved to Sakura as they parted ways. Down a hallway, up a flight of stairs, and around the corner, she gazed cautiously at the door. Nothing fell when she opened it, so she proceeded. It was a little weird being the first in a classroom. Ino chose a seat in the back. The next student to enter was remarkably handsome, in a pale way. As he took his seat, Ino couldn't help but notice the many chains, belts, and pins that seemed to hold together his clothing. He audibly clattered when he sat. As the students trickled in, the only person to sit near the pale goth was a red head wearing similar clothing, if less ornamented. Almost as soon as the red head sat down, he rested his head on his crossed arms and fell asleep. At the sound of an ominous creak, Ino tore herself away from ogl… observing the ebon haired goth. The source turned out to be a tortured desk seat. Upon it sat the largest person she had ever seen. His ginger hair stuck out of holes in the knit cap he wore. The white t-shirt and tan shorts were stretched rather severely in places. His backpack crinkled as it came to rest on the dusty floor. The large boy opened a bag of chips that seemed to come out of nowhere, and proceeded to munch contentedly. No one seemed surprised. It was at this moment that the teacher chose to enter.

He was a thick set man, with a reasonable amount of stubble. He casually and shamelessly put out a cigarette in the ash tray on his desk. As Mr. Sarutobi droned through the class roll in a rumbling baritone, Ino kept an ear out for the strange people's names. Mr. Sarutobi straightened and smiled. "Welcome to Economics. To start off, behold this one dollar bill. We will auction it off in class." Someone ended up buying it for $1.05. (AN: this actually happened.) The rest of the class was less interesting. "What is Economics, blah blah, It's not about the money, blah blah." Ino had a page of notes that, she suspected, would be duplicated in the textbook they were to get the next day. Shouldering her backpack, she dreaded the next day when it would be heavy with textbooks. Ino opened the door to her math class. Sitting in the middle of the room was, "Sakura!"

"Hey Ino. How was Econ?"

"Ugh. It's going to be the longest class of the day. Sarutobi's nice, but his droning puts me to sleep."

"Sounds tough."

Ino plopped down next to her, and suddenly noticed the teacher leafing through the newspaper.

"Oh, Ino, Ebisu assigned seats. You're in the corner window seat."

"Figures."

A third student walked in. He sported blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a simple black suit jacket. However, all of this had dog hair all over it. His own hair was an unkempt mane of brown. When his eyes alighted on Ino, they brightened. When he spoke, it was with an outrageous French accent.

"Welcome, mademoiselle, to our academy de'arts. If I may be so bold, your name must be sexy-fine to accurately represent ze owner."

Ino laughed and Sakura sighed in exasperation.

"Honestly, Kiba, do you have to hit on every girl you meet?"

"Sakura! You wound me!" He dropped the accent. "I only hit on the pretty ones."

Sakura turned towards Ino.

"This is Kiba Inuzuka." The boy bowed with a flourish. "And he is as close to being Naruto's twin brother without actually being related."

Ino nodded to Kiba. "I'm Ino Yamanaka. You know, you'd look better without the dog hair."

Kiba sighed tragically. "Alas, it is the curse of my family to always be on the best of terms with all of canine kind. Seriously, though, my parents are vets. With a house full of patients, it is impossible to keep any surface free of hair." He dropped his backpack by the desk next to Ino. Then he got down on one knee and pretended to open a ring box.

"Will you be… my neighbor?"

Ino laughed, a bit ruefully. "Sorry, I'm assigned elsewhere. In fact," she saw class was starting soon, "I should be going to my seat. Nice meeting you." With that she sat in her assigned spot. Ino looked out the window and waited for the boredom to set in.

"Excuse me, but I would like to sit there. Would you like to switch seats?"

The blond looked up. Before her stood a gangly youth, brown, nearly black hair, circular sunglasses and a grey trench coat. Ino was momentarily distracted by the cute little bee embroidered on the breast pocket. Glancing away, she saw the only available seat was, oddly, between Kiba and Sakura.

"Are we allowed? I thought the seats non-negotiable."

Shino called out to the teacher. "It is fine, isn't it, if Ino and I switch seats?" The weird thing was, it didn't sound like a question, more a veiled threat. Mr. Ebisu folded his newspaper and looked at the strange student. They both had the same style sunglasses. What followed was an odd staring match where neither party could see the other's eyes. Then Ebisu looked away, or something.

"It'll be fine this once. But I expect both of you to be on your best behavior."

Ino found herself once again next to Sakura. Shino stoically regarded a bumblebee on a droopy flower. Mr. Ebisu (seemingly in retaliation) had the students work on problems from the book.

Scribble. Scribble.

"Say, Sakura, why did Ebisu obey Shino?"

"Shino's family owns a honey business. People joke that they talk to the bees. I don't know how true that is, but they do tend to have the dirt on everyone."

"Weird."

Kiba interrupted, "You know, Shino's not a bad guy. It's just that he's quiet, like a robot. It spooks people." The boy sighed. "his only friends are Hinata and I."

"Hinata?"

Sakura waved her hand in the air vaguely. "You know, the pale girl in our English class. She's very shy." She cocked her head to the side. "I don't know she and Kiba became friends. They're like complete opposites."

Kiba shrugged. "One day she brought in her puppy for shots. We just started talking in the waiting room. In retrospect, it was mostly me talking. " Kiba grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. "Must have been my charming nature."

The girls rolled their eyes.

Before they knew it, the period ended. Sakura stretched as she stood. "Lunch time. Why don't you sit at our table, Ino?"

"Sure thing."

The three strolled amicably down the hallway, separating to retrieve their lunches. When Ino looked out over the lunch room, quick scan caught a patch of pink. A hand waved from near the patch.

"Ino! Over here!" Sakura sat at a table, with what had to be Hinata to her left , and across from her was a brunette with her hair in two circular buns. Despite being clearly of European descent, the girl wore very Chinese clothing. It looked good, however. To Sakura's right was an empty seat, obviously saved for her. As she sat down, Ino noticed Kiba in front of her and Naruto across from Hinata.

"Ino, Tenten. Tenten, Ino." The brunette nodded.

"And this is Hinata Hyuuga." Sakura leaned back a bit. Hinata shyly waved a bit.

"N-nice to m-meet you."

"Likewise."

When introductions had ceased, Hinata almost immediately sent discreet glances towards Naruto. The object of her attention was also blatantly staring at Sakura with the eyes of a lovesick puppy. _'Huh. Love triangle.' _Naruto absently crunched on his lunch (dry ramen) and suddenly squinted at Kiba. "Hey, Kiba, whya sittin' over there?"

Kiba swallowed his animal cracker. "Why, I merely wish to converse with our lovely lady."

"Hey! Stay away from my Sakura!" Naruto had risen from his seat and now pointed dramatically at Kiba, over Tenten's head. She continued to eat as if this happened every day.

"Idiot, I meant Ino. I swear, those overgrown ear hairs of yours have leached out your mind."

"You. Did. Not. Just insult the_**manchops.**_"

The argument quickly dissolved into a scuffle. The girls seemed unsurprised, and only Hinata seemed concerned about the combatants. Ino leaned towards Sakura.

"Is this… normal?"

She sighed. "I'm afraid so. And no matter what he says, I am _not _Naruto's girl."

"Then what's his deal?"

"He latched onto me when we were freshmen. Since then he's been like a brain dead stalker. He's not so bad, at least when he's not asking me out for the hundredth time. Right Hinata?"

The pale girl was rapturously staring at the two writhing boys. Her glasses were sliding down and she sported a definite blush.

"He's… magnificent."

Ino couldn't help herself. "Even with the 'manchops'?"

Hinata paused; "They are… interesting."

Naruto Shot straight up and clasped Hinata's hand. "Thank you! See Sakura? The manchops are not to be feared but admired!" Hinata was hyperventilating. Naruto noticed the odd state of the girl as Kiba stood up behind him. "Hey, are you alright?"

"I-I-I-I-I'm o-ok-kay."

Kiba whispered something in Naruto's ear. The boy shrugged and let go of Hinata's hand. She calmed down significantly, but the blush didn't fade.

"Hyuuga… That sounds familiar." Ino mused aloud. Tenten mimed glasses. "You know, Hyuuga Inc.? The optics company with the commercials that start with 'Byakugan!'."

Ino turned to Hinata. "Then you're…"

"My dad owns the company."

"Dang."

"Yeah." Hinata seemed to wish she wasn't from such a prominant family.

Out of Ino's peripheral vision came a flock of black. It was Sasuke, Gaara, and two others. The girl wore a black and purple dress, elegant and head and shoulders too dressy for a school day. Her sandy blond hair was tied back in what looked like four pony tails hacked off a couple of inches from the hair ties. The boy walking beside her wore a black hoodie and black pants, both torn and spattered with paint. His face was exquisitely painted, one half seemed to belong to a demon, the other was that of an angel.

"Yum." Sakura murmured, staring appreciatively at Sasuke. "Who are they?" asked Ino.

"The Sabaku's, Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari, are from a rich family." Began Tenten. "Their father was an abusive tyrant. Then one day the serial killer Orochimaru knocked him off. Since then they've been the wards of the Uchiha family. Sasuke there is the youngest. His father is the police chief."

Kiba sighed. "Ah, Temari. The only woman to punch me in anger, yet still look as lovely as a crashing wave." After that, the conversation turned to more mundane topics, such as comparing schedules and how weird all the teachers are.

The bell rang. Ino was on her own next period. Mr. Baki was reputed to be a strict, but fair chemistry teacher. It is rumored that half his face had been horribly scarred in a lab accident. When Ino arrived, he was not there. There was, however, a small scattering of students. She checked the front desk, and yes, a seating chart. Ino waved her arms a bit to orient herself with the chart. Then she froze. Next to her name was Sasuke Uchiha. To say Ino was nervous is an understatement. With as much grace as she could muster, the girl strode to her seat. Awkward silence. Ino glanced at the marble pale beauty next to her.

"Please tell me you're not the kind of girl who has to talk all the time."

"I'm not. Wait. What?"

Sasuke sighed. "That's good. I am really not interested in the latest celebrity gossip."

"Girl problems?"

"You have no idea."

"I'd sympathize more, but I'm distracted by how pretty you are."

"Let's set some ground rules here. I do not want to be saved. I am quite happy as a goth. You cannot go goth spontaneously. This is not your chance to get close to me. We will simply work together when necessary. I will engage in casual conversation, however, I am not interested in dating your friends or you. Lastly, I cannot emphasize this enough, I am _not_ gay."

"Sounds fair. One question though; am I allowed to ogle?" Ino was only half joking.

"I guess. I can't really stop you."

The lights turned off. In walked a man in a white lab coat, black shirt and slacks. In the darkness it was hard to see his face. Light flared from the tip of a barbecue lighter. Three Petri dishes were sequentially set afire, blood red, emerald, and sapphire flames clawed at the air. Above them loomed the visage of Mr. Baki. One side of his face was that a soldier might have, lined and weathered. The other side… in the surreal light of the burning alcohol it seemed to be the hideous of the devil grinning at you. Several students gasped. Mr. Baki rasped as he spoke, sometimes barking out words for emphasis.

"You know who I am. In this class you will _sweat _in the refiner's fire and come out pure and strong. Any horseplay will be dealt with HARSHLY. Follow the procedure to the letter. If you break something, TELL ME. I will NOT have people digging glass out of their shoes."

Click. Whiiiiirrrr… the overhead thrummed to life. Behind the teacher shone the class rules in his spidery handwriting. Demonstrations followed. Dry ice exploded inside an eye dropper that was held under water; Two liquids met in the air and disappeared; and the grand finale: Mr. Baki blew a powder at an open flame that flared dramatically. Ino couldn't help but be reminded of the older kind of circus, the kind with darker attractions and a sense of mystery and magic that is almost palpable.

And then, it was over. Mr. Baki was back to being a teacher, and the class was no longer an audience. A worksheet was handed out.

Scritch Scritch.

"Hey Shikamaru, what's the number nine?" Sasuke called out. A drowsy voice answered, "Page 13, the little blue box."

Ino looked back to the source. Directly behind her sat a student who seemed to be asleep. This long brown hair was tied back into a loose ponytail. Sasuke opened to page thirteen, and indeed, a little blue box held the information needed to answer number nine. A bit hesitantly, Ino wrote down the answer. She glanced back. In front of Shikamaru lay a blank work sheet. Slowly, Shikamaru drew a stamp from his backpack. Thump. The stamp was returned. On the name line in an old font was "Shikamaru Nara". That seemed to be enough.

The period passed slowly, with intermittent exchanges between Sasuke and Shikamaru, the occasional "troublesome" and "Thanks". When the class turned in the worksheet, Shikamaru's was blissfully empty of answers.

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Outside the door to the study hall room, she heard a familiar voice.

"And we shall call this land… This Land." Then the voice took on a gravely tone, sounding rather stereotypically evil. "I think we shall call it your grave!" then it was back to normal. "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" It sounded like the good voice was in trouble. Ino opened the door. Before her was Mr. Hatake, playing with stegosaurus and T-Rex toys on the overhead.

"Um… good afternoon Mr. Hatake."

"Ah. Good afternoon Ms. Yamanaka."

Awkward silence. Mr. Hatake slid the toys into his pockets. Ino picked a seat at random, and wished desperately someone would come to break the silence. Then, "NO! Naruto, I will NOT feel you sideburns! Freak."

"Manchops, Sakura. And why not? They are so soft and lonely!"

In walked the blond and the pink. Hinata quietly shadowed Naruto. Sakura plopped down next to Ino. "So how was chemistry?"

"Mr. Baki is pretty cool. He did some tricks and stuff. Oh." Ino leaned in close and whispered, "I sit next to Sasuke!" Sakura's eyes opened wide. "Lucky! You must take pictures and give them to me. My love shrine can always use more offerings."

"You… don't actually have a love shrine, do you?"

"No, but I wouldn't mind the pictures anyways." Sakura winked.

"Say what's the story on… oh, speak of the devil." In shuffled Shikamaru. He sat next to the window and gazed blankly at the overcast sky.

"Oh, Shikamaru? His family owns a cattle ranch just north of here. They're old friends of the Akimichis."

"Who?"

"You know Choji? Always eats chips?"

"Oh, him. It was weird in chemistry. Shikamaru knew where all the answers were to the worksheet. But he didn't write any down, he just stamped his name on it. I don't get it."

Naruto had gone to the bathroom, so Hinata joined in. "He tested out of his classes. He just attends school because he doesn't want to do anything more than is necessary." It seems that Hinata could act normally if Naruto was away. Ino sighed. "Must be nice, no homework, no tests, just napping in school. But wait. Hey Shikamaru! How'd you know the answers?"

The person in question slowly turned his head towards Ino. "Chemistry writers follow a pattern with their material. People are too predictable. Now leave me alone." With that, he turned back to cloud gazing. His voice was a bored monotone. Naruto chose that moment to return. He straddled his chair backwards and rested his arms on the back.

"Soooo, Sakura. You. Me. Friday at 7. Howabout it?" He was trying for smooth, but came off obnoxious. Sakura rolled her eyes. "No, try Hinata."

The girl in question blushed furiously and had a sudden interest in the pen in her hand.

"Oh, Sakura, why so mean? One day you will relent and in that day you will know the rapture that is Naruto!"

Slap. "Idiot."

Hinata mumbled inaudibly, "I want to know the rapture…"

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Mr. Gai was… a unique Phys. Ed. Teacher. He wasn't a bad man; he ran the local orphanage where Tenten lived, and from what Tenten had said, he was very generous and kind. What she left out was how incredibly unlovely his hair style was. The bowl cut was bad, but those eyebrows! To add insult to injury, he seemed to consider green sweats and an orange vest to be high fashion. Ino must have stared a little to obviously, because a voice beside her sounded amused.

"Pretty cool, eh?" the voice commented. It sounded vaguely Canadian. When Ino turned her head, her heart stopped. She stood face to face with Mr. Gai's clone. But wait, the face looked younger, and narrower. Suddenly remembering herself, Ino stuck out her hand. "Ino Yamanaka." His hand grasped hers firmly and pumped up and down a few times. "Rock Lee, at your service."

The students stood around aimlessly on the gym floor. Then Mr. Gai blew his whistle. "Class! To start off the year and celebrate the springtime of youth, we will run the mile!" He struck a ridiculous pose, and gave a thumbs up. Lee burst into tears rapture in his eyes. "Yes! I will run a mile for you, NO! Two miles!" The rest of the class groaned and meandered to the starting line. When Mr. Gai blew his whistle a second time, Lee was off like a shot. As the mini-Gai completed one lap, Ino noticed Shikamaru asleep in the corner of the gym. _'Three classes in a row with him. Weird.' _

Ino had traveled half a mile when she noticed long, black swaying hair in front of her. "Hinata!" The owner turned. The person was obviously tired of people addressing him as such. Ino was mortified. "I'm sorry! It's just the hair…"

"I understand. It's the price I pay for my beautiful locks."

Ino couldn't tell if he was joking or not. Lee, on his last lap, seemed concerned.

"Neji, why oh why have you slowed? Are you alright?"

Neji's face was an emotionless mask. "I may have eaten something at lunch. Don't worry, I'll be fine. Shouldn't you hurry to beat your last record?"

"Oh! Many thanks for reminding me! GET BETTER!" With that, Lee sprinted off. Neji rolled his eyes and turned back to Ino.

"Gai expects improvement over the school year. If I set a slow time at first, it will be manageable later."

"Ah. Good plan. So… you're Hinata's brother?"

"Cousin. My parents died in a car crash, so my uncle took me in."

"Oh, I'm sorry. That must have been terrible."

"It was, but it's been a few years. Time dulls the pain."

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Lee led the class overenthusiastically in calisthenics that the class would have to do every day. Gai himself performed various gymnastic feats "To keep my springtime of youth fresh!", or so he said. By the end, Ino was exhausted.

Art class was interesting. Mrs. Sarutobi "Call me Kurenai." reminded Ino a lot of Cruella De' Ville, only younger and much more beautiful. Despite that, Ino resolved never to mention dogs or puppies. She turned towards Tenten to comment on the resemblance, but Tenten was happily absorbed in staring at Kankuro. Hinata's seat was across the room, next to Lee. The boy was bouncing in his seat. Ino dreaded the idea of him having access to paint. Time flew. The class got up and starting walking around the room, like some non-musical chairs game. They were examining each other's drawings, and Ino had to admit Kankuro was amazing. It was hard to tell the difference between the black and white photo they all had tried to replicate and the pencil drawing.

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Ino opened the door to the flower shop.

"How was your first day, dear?" Mrs. Yamanaka called from behind the counter.

"Interesting." Ino said as she climbed the stairs, and promptly flopped on the bed.

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AN: ugh. That took forever. Anyways, bits of this are taken from my high school experience. Like the chemistry demonstrations, and the dollar auction.


	2. Red String

AN: I am not a girl. Most of this story is from the view point of girls. If you feel one of the characters isn't acting realistically, please tell me. I would like to be accurate.

This is a high school fic. What this entails is that I will occasionally switch POVs when it suits me. Also, crack pairings will occur out of unforeseen (as of when I started) complications in story.

Thank you for your enthusiastic encouragement, those kind enough to review.

DISCLAIMER: I own Naruto not. Some cool Japanese guy gets that.

Now without any further ado, the second chapter of Spoons.

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Sakura lay in a hammock in her back yard. She was reading Fahrenheit 451, and nearly done with the required reading for the day. Then something cannonball into her stomach. "Wumph!" Gasping to fill her suddenly emptied lungs, she stared in shock at a thrashing hawk on her belly. She tried her best to comfort it, cooing comforting nonsense. The bird righted itself and glared warily at the pink thing it had landed on. Upon further examination, Sakura noticed a black ribbon tied around one foot, and one wing slumped and bloody. She slowly reached out her hand. The hawk watched the motion carefully. Sakura's hand shook as she stoked the back of the head of the hawk. In a flash of motion, the hawk closed its beak on her hand. The girl froze; it didn't hurt; then the hawk released the hand. Careful not to make any sudden moves, Sakura cradled the hawk against her chest. She slid smoothly out of the hammock and walked inside. Every now and then, the hawk clenched its talons when jolted by a step. In the house, the girl dialed the Inuzukas with one hand. "Hey Kiba, could you get one of your parents? I have something of an emergency."

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Sakura sat nervously in the waiting room . She was too tense to read any of the magazines lying around, so she just stared at her tightly folded hands.

"So he just fell on you? Typical Uchiha. No courtesy."

Sakura let out a squeak of surprise. Kiba vaulted over the back of the chair next to her, landing perfectly.

Then her thoughts caught up with her. "Uchiha? Then the hawk is…"

"Sasuke's, specifically."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Sasuke's fine. " Sakura elbowed Kiba.

"I mean the hawk, idiot."

"Steve'll be fine. His wing just got scratched up a bit. He's had worse."

"Well, that's good. Wait. Worse?"

"One time Steve lost about half his feathers and a decent amount of blood. Apparently he likes to fight flocks of birds."

"What a retard" Sakura said with a shake of her head.

"Yup."

In the end, Sakura ended up carrying the newly bandaged bird to the Uchiha estate. (The retarded bird wouldn't let anyone but Sakura carry him.) A bit hesitantly, she pressed the buzzer at the gate.

"Yes?" sounded the bored voice from the speaker.

"This is Sakura Haruno. I'm here to return ack!" Steve was nibbling on her ear. "Stop that you retard!" Carefully, she pried the beak from her ear. The person from the speaker said, "Understood. Please wait."

The gate swung inward. Sakura, mystified, walked down the path to the front door. She raised her hand to knock on the door, but it opened first. Sasuke gazed inscrutably at her. She suddenly felt very foolish, and lowered her hand.

"I believe this is yours." She shyly murmured, holding out Steve. Without changing his expression, Sasuke accepted his bird. Sakura was about to turnt o leave when the Uchiha spoke up.

"Why don't you come in?"

"O-okay. Um. Thank you."

As the door closed, rain started to fall in a furious downpour. Inside, Sakura gazed in awe at the décor. The mansion could have easily been from the set of a Victorian vampire movie, or, Sakura thought wistfully, of Pride and Prejudice. Sasuke led them to a table before an empty fireplace. She could just barely hear the patter of the rain on the cover. On the table was two cups of tea, gently steaming on each side of the table, and a platter of European wafers and biscuits between. Sakura sat in one chair, Sasuke in the other. Steve hopped of his arm and started to gnaw on one of the wafers. Sasuke laced his fingers into an arch as he gazed over them at Sakura. The poor girl was getting more nervous by the second. The silence stretched unbearably, yet still Sasuke said nothing. Sakura gathered her courage;

"So why'd you name him Steve? I sorta expected something less… ordinary for a hawk."

Sasuke patted Steve on the head, still watching Sakura carefully.

"His name is Steven."

She thought hard for a moment, then groaned. "As in Steven Hawking?"

"Indeed."

Steve started to choke on a wafer. Sasuke irritably smacked the back of the bird's head. The half eaten cracker hit the table with a wet splat. Sakura laughed. "Too bad he doesn't take after his namesake." Sasuke smiled and said, "But he does have good taste in victims."

Sakura paused; then blushed.

In time, the rain stopped, and Sakura returned to her car with a smile and Sasuke's phone number.

Sasuke closed the door.

"Foolish little brother."

Sasuke irritably raised an eyebrow at Itachi. The elder Uchiha emerged from the hallway to the west wing. He wore sunglasses, but not out of light sensitivity, nor fashion. "You're going to break one of your rules." Sasuke glared at this brother. "You see too much, blind one."

Itachi chuckled.

"I'm just watching out for my foolish little brother."

_______________________________________________________________________________

Ino walked with Sakura to their Language Arts class.

"So did you see his bedroom?" Sakura blushed a little.

"No, we just talked for a while, then I went home. I don't see why you're so interested."

"Oh come on! My new best friend arrives at her crush's place under mysterious circumstances. What's not to be interested in?"

"I'm telling you, it's a coincidence. I found his bird, and I return it. It's not like there's a conspiracy or anything."

Sakura pushed the door open with her foot. An eraser barely missed her foot. Ino sighed.

"Sakura!"

Naruto was too energetic for morning, Ino decided.

"Naruto, have you been eating chalk again?" asked Sakura. Ino stared at the rim of white powder around the boy's mouth.

"Hey! I only did that once!"

"Then what's that on your mouth?"

"Cocaine" Ino guessed.

"What? No! Powdered sugar. I only at the fillings, though. Stale doughnuts aren't as irresistible as you may think."

Sakura looked a little disgusted. "Don't tell me you ate out of a trash can."Naruto shifted his weight a little. "…Maybe… but the box was on top. I had to check, you know. People throw away perfectly good things all the time."

Sakura face palmed.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Kiba, Ino, and Sakura were chatting on their way to lunch. Out of nowhere, Sasuke slipped in next to the pink haired girl.

"Care to join me for lunch?" His voice thrummed. Sakura blushed. "Sure. See ya guys!" As she walked off, Ino saw her hand reach for Sasuke's, but pull back. Kiba raised his eyebrows. "When did that happen?"

Ino shrugged. "Yesterday. She caught his bird."

"Huh. I could a sworn he was gay." Ino pushed Kiba playfully.

At the table, Naruto was hysteric. "Stay away from him Sakura! Beneath his Fabulous exterior lies the heart of a bloodsucker! An bloodsucker I tell you!"

Ino heard a low chuckle. She was startled to find Shikamaru asleep at a nearby table. As for Sakura, she blissfully ignored Naruto. She and Sasuke were eating at a table a deliberate distance from where Naruto was.

"Nothing good will come of this." The blond boy muttered, eating in a huff.

____________________________________________________________________________

Ino and Sasuke were at their lab station, taking everything out of the drawers and cabinets. Inventory is annoying, but necessary. Ino smirked at the goth. "You broke one of your rules." Sasuke's eyes widened then narrowed as he started cursing under his breath. Ino raised her eyebrows.

"What's with you?"

Sasuke snapped out of it. "I just realized my brother played a trick on me."

"Ah, the joys of having siblings. Sadly, I am but an only child, so they are forever beyond my experience." She did not look sad at all. Ino's face suddenly turned serious, and she pointed a Bunsen burner at her lab partner. "If you break her heart, I'll break you."

Sasuke looked at the burner, then at Ino. "I doubt you could. Regardless, I don't have any intention of breaking her heart."

"Good."

It was the second day Sasuke and Sakura retreated to their "honeymoon island", as Naruto called it. Every few minutes, Naruto checked on the two as they had lunch. As the lunch period progressed, so did the boy's restlessness. At one point, he growled in frustration.

"What's wrong?" Ino asked. Naruto sighed.

"I want to do… something, but I can't. Sakura would only get angry." He sighed again, folded his arms on the table, then set his chin down where they crossed. As he stared blankly forward, Hinata started to blush. Naruto was staring right at her, without realizing it.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Ino was lying on her bed, working through her math homework. The phone rang, once, twice.

"Ino, phone for you." Mrs. Yamanaka said, standing in Ino's doorway.

"Thanks mom."

"Hello?"

"I-Ino, what should I do?" It was Hinata.

"What's wrong?"

"How do I get Naruto to notice me?"

"Um, Hinata, I may not be the best person to ask. I've only known him for three days."

"Sakura's… busy, and Tenten… you're more feminine."

Ino lay on her bed face up, resting her head on her math textbook.

"Alright. You're gonna hafta help me help you. What are Naruto's interests?"

"Ramen, most sports, and um… Sakura."

"That's not much to go on. Ramen?"

"He really likes it. It's all I've ever seen him eat."

"That can't be healthy."

"That doesn't seem to affect him."

"Amazing."

Hinata sighed wistfully. "Isn't he though?" She was in danger of slipping into a daydream.

Ino was in a bit of a pickle. She herself had never dated, and thus had as much experience as the girl on the other side of the conversation. Then Inspiration struck.

"Say, do you know how to cook ramen? I mean, not package ramen, but the actual soup, noodles, and stuff?"

"A little. Maybe I could get our cook to help…"

"Good. Wait. Your cook?"

Hinata sounded a little embarrassed. "My mother doesn't know how to cook, and our family is kinda rich, so father sorta hired one."

"Um. That works too. Alright, here's what you do. For lunch tomorrow, bring a thermos of ramen, and a granola bar or something."

"Why a granola bar?"

"Naruto's going to want some of your lunch, so you should be prepared to share."

"Sh-share? Do you think it will work?"

"Tell me. Is dry ramen the only thing he eats at lunch?"

"Yes."

"There's your answer."

"Thank you, Ino."

"Don't thank me yet. Wait until you snag him."

Hinata giggled. "I'll start right away! Bye Ino!"

"Bye."

__________________________________________________________________________________

Naruto was staring at his ramen pack despondently. Life was a procession of grays and the blandness of starch permeated his days. The blonde was peripherally aware of Hinata as she sat down in front of him., at least, until a heavenly scent wafted towards him. He opened his eyes wide and inhaled deeply. Hinata poured herself a large bowl of ramen, steam rising with the grace of a goddess. Naruto had never seen homemade ramen; it was only because of some animal instinct that he knew the girl's meal was somehow related to his, not unlike how the eagle is somehow related to a pigeon. Hinata delicately raised a fork full of noodles in the air, then blew softly on it. The boy forgot his lunch completely as he watched her suck the noodles in slowly, savoring the taste. Hinata raised her eyes to look at the boy, and for the first time, they both blushed.

"W-w-would you l-like some?" Hinata squeaked out.

"You don't mind sharing _that_?" The last word was spoken with profound reverence. Hinata nodded shyly, and offered him a fork. (She had brought a spare.)

Ino arrived to find her diabolical plan proceeding beautifully. Naruto and Hinata were chatting amicably, occasionally eating from the bowl between them. She slid in next to Hinata, smiling smugly. Kiba sat down next to Ino, and asked, "What are you so happy about?"

"It's girl stuff. You wouldn't understand."

"That time of the month, eh? Thanks for the warning."

Ino punched him. "Matchmaking, you idiot."

Kiba held his hands up defensively. "How was I supposed to know that?"

____________________________________________________________________________________

Sakura looked at Ino in surprise. "He won't be pining after me anymore? How'd you manage that?"

"I had Hinata seduce him."

"WHAT!"

Mr. Ebisu glared at the girls. Kiba was shaking in silent laughter. A bee buzzed lazily around the nearby overhead projector.

"What?" Sakura repeated, whispering. Ino explained what happened, resembling a Cheshire cat towards the end.

"I don't know if I should be relieved or insulted. Outdone by a bowl of soup!" Ino shrugged.

"No accounting for taste."

Kiba let out a bark of laughter, earning another glare from Mr. Ebisu.

________________________________________________________________________________

AN: Though I am usually against KibaIno, that seems to be the way this is going. As for the pairings I anticipate in this fic: obviously SasuSaku, NaruHina. KibaIno, ShikaTema, and KankuTen.

If you're wondering when the vampires come in, be patient. As for who you think they are, you are most likely wrong.


	3. Chapter 3

At the end of the day, Ino stood next to Sakura's locker, as she loaded up her book bag.

"Any plans for the weekend?" The blonde asked conversationally. Sakura blushed lightly.

"I'm going back to his house."

Ino raised her eyebrows in mock surprise. "How scandalous! Remember, Sakura, if he loves you, he'll wait for marriage."

"Ino! He's not like that at all." She dropped to an embarrassed whisper. "Frankly, he's kinda awkward for someone so pretty."

"Awkward in bed? Poor girl."

Sakura pushed Ino playfully.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, you pervert."

Sakura got into the driver's seat of her car. Ino slipped in the passenger seat.

"What about you? Any plans for the weekend?"

Ino sighed. "I'm to woman the counter. Mom and dad are driving out to visit my grandparents. I don't mind not seeing them, it's just boring at work."

"The counter needs to be made a woman?"

"Who's the pervert now?"

"Shut up. Are your grandparents so terrible?"

Ino gazed absently at the rain trickling down the window. "Hardly, but… it's just they are strangers to me. Whenever we visit, I end up listening to a bunch of boring stories about people I don't know or care about."

"That's kinda sad, don't you think? Not knowing the people that love you?"

Ino shrugged. "They love me like a stalker loves his victim."

They had pulled up in front of the flower shop. As Ino got out, Sakura said, "I'll visit Sunday, 'kay?"

Ino smiled gratefully. "I'll be waiting."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A full moon shone though the sunless twilight, painting the land in greys. Sakura stepped cautiously through the gate that was open when she arrived. On one hand, she knew she was invited. On the other hand, the gate was ajar. This is how horror movies start. Not that Sakura watched any, but it was just something everyone instinctively knows, like how to say "yes" and "Hello" in four different languages, or how chocolate solves everything. As she made her way to the front door, a tension grew inside of her. Something felt different from the last time she was here. Sakura slowly raised her hand to knock on the door. Then, remembering last time, she lowered it. As if on cue, the door opened, revealing Sasuke. His face was an expressionless mask.

"Did you bring… the movie?"

Sakura held up the DVD case.

"You know, you should have a Halloween party here. Your house is scary enough."

"That's not a bad idea." said Kankuro. He was lounging on the railing of the catwalk that would have been the second floor of a smaller building.

"What do you think, Gaara?" He called out to the house in general. The door to the coat closet opened, drawing the redhead from hiding.

"I concur."

He retreated back into the closet. Sakura raised an eyebrow at Sasuke.

"What's he doing in the closet?"

Sasuke shrugged. "This house has a lot of secret passages. My great-grandfather was as crazy as he was rich. If you would follow me to the media room…?"

Sakura expected a large screen of some sort. However, the media room had no such thing. In fact, it had no visible electronics. Just four, long, large, black, leather couches a foot from each bare, white wall, facing the center of the room. Sasuke sat down next to an armrest, Sakura next to him. As she sank into perfectly cushioned bliss, several things happened; the lights dimmed, motors hummed; and the couches switched to full reclining mode. Aaaand Sasuke was staring at her.

"What?"

"May I have… the DVD?"

"Oh. Right."

She handed it over. The disc clattered a little as he put it into the tray that emerged from the armrest. A low whir began, quieted, and the movie began.

"Is it just me, or is everyone in this film unnaturally tall and thin?"

"Hush."

"Does Edward not have a reflection? 'cause that would explain the hair."

"Oh, like you're one to talk, duck-butt."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your hair looks like a duck's butt."

"That's absurd. … Really?"

"Yes, now hush."

"She's got something in her teeth and he can _see it_."

"What?"

"I totally know where he's coming from. He wants to pluck it out, but she would only swoon."

"You're ridiculous."

"He's going into withdrawal."

"No. Just, no."

"Looks tired all the time, makes weird faces, he's obviously an addict."

"You're just jealous."

"No, I'm fine without drugs."

"Shut up."

"He's a pedo-stalker."

"You're making up words now."

"Yes. But they're good ones. He's over 100, and watches his victim sleep. It's like the textbook definition."

"Of a made up word? Anyways, he's in love."

"Pedo-love."

"… How do you know he is over 100? Did you read the books?"

"…"

"All of them?"

"… I was curious about what could cause estrogen levels to spike more than my presence."

"You're full of yourself, you know that?"

"It'd be weird to be full of someone else."

"I like Alice."

"But I'm Bella!"

"… NO. You are not a self-centered drama queen. You are intelligent and reasonable, therefore not Bella."

"… Thanks, I guess."

___________________________________________________________________________________

Thump. Thump Thump-thumpthumpthump. Silence. Sakura rushed to the stairs. She looked upon the crumpled form of Gaara. Her eyes widened in horror.

"Call 911! Gaara's hurt!" She put her ear over his mouth. "He's not breathing!"

She steeled herself. She'd only ever practiced on dummies. Then Gaara chucled. Sakura stared as the boy rose. Then anger took over. Sakura glared at the younger boy.

"That was a risky joke. I could have broken a few of your ribs if it went any further."

Gaara shrugged. "It was worth it."

Sakura ran a hand through her hair.

"Where were you during all of this,_ Sasuke_?" She glanced up the stairs. "And you, Kankuro?"

The three boys wore a similar smirk, one that did little to soothe the girl's anger. Kankuro was the first to reply.

"I helped set it up. Besides, Gaara does this all the time."

Sakura, arms akimbo, glared at Sasuke, who had the good sense to look uncomfortable.

"I wanted to see how you would react. I apologize for the undue stress we caused you. Would you like some ice cream to settle your nerves?"

"That makes no sense."

Gaara gazed, wide eyed and innocently at the girl.

"Ice cream can cure _anything_."

"You're all nuts, you know that?"

Kankuro descended from the top of the stairs.

"We're the best kind of nuts. The kind with ice cream."

Sakura surrendered.

"So what flavors do you have?"

____________________________________________________________________________________

Kankuro adjusted his black tie. He resented it, along with the matching pinstriped suit and the necessity of wearing said ensemble. He stood before the oak door that lead to Fugaku's study, and covered his face with his hands. As he removed them, his posture straightened, and his face achieved a blank emotionlessness best left to mannequins and the dead. His knock upon the door could have been used as a metronome. His stride held confidence, yet lacked the swagger of those with a disproportionately large ego.

"There will be a celebration of Halloween on the obvious date."

This was the nerve-wracking part. The Man of the house would not tolerate timidity, nor arrogance. Of the four children, Kankuro knew best how to perform the role. That didn't make it easy. Kankuro had never seen the man angry, but he was sure he did not want to.

At last, Fugaku replied, "Thank you for the reminder."

Kankuro bowed and left the room. The old man wasn't a tyrant by any means; a lifetime in crime fighting taught a certain flexibility. Similarly, it instilled a distaste for surprises. Kankuro made his way to his bed and collapsed, grinning.

____________________________________________________________________________________

A bell clattered. Ino looked up from her homework, a mess of loose paper, eraser bits, and books, strewn across the counter. It had been a slow Saturday morning.

"Welco-Shikamaru?"

"Aa."

That seemed to be enough for him, as he browsed through the display cases. Ino tunred back to her homework. After a time, she heard a sigh. Soon after, a shadow fell across the counter.

"Where do you keep the lilies?"

"Oh, sorry. They're in the back room."

She wove around bags of fertilizer, soil, and the various pots and such that became necessary when dealing with plants. Her voice came back muffled as she strived to make conversion and a clear path.

"Did someone die?"

"No, it's my mom's anniversary."

"Ah, found them. You do know what lilies are used for, right?"

"My family has a morbid sense of humor."

Ino snipped the stems of the flowers at a diagonal, saving the cuttings for the compost pile.

"It's nice of you, getting flowers for your mom."

"Not really. I didn't get her flowers. Once."

"Ah."

The plastic wrapping crinkled as Ino tightened the white silk ribbon around the bundle.

"That'll be nine ninety-nine, please."

Shikamaru handed over an old ten dollar bill. He picked up his change and the flowers. As he turned to leave, Ino said, "Have a good day."

It was almost reflex for her. He raised his hand in acknowledgement and continued walking. The door's bell rang and the boy stepped out into a rare patch of sunlight.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Sunday came and went. The girls spent over an hour on a particularly nasty trigonometry proof, wreathed in the scents of preserved blossoms. Mr. and Mrs. Yamanaka returned, bearing chocolate. Ino turned a blind eye on a suspiciously empty wrapper among the assortment of truffles; the allure of chocolate is hard to deny. One of those very chocolates awaited her now, in the darkness of her lunch box.

Tenten sat alone on her side of the table. Unperturbed as always by the goings on around her, she watched her friends. Ino laughed at some joke Kiba had cracked. Naruto sat entranced next to Hinata as she elegantly poured the steaming ambrosia into the bowl they shared.

"Look who's back form the honeymoon." teased Kiba.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Sakura remarked, placing her tray beside Tenten's.

Sasuke sat next to Sakura, smirking.

"And they brought the in-laws." joked Kankuro, as he slipped in on the other side of Tenten.

Gaara perched next to Naruto, and Temari deigned to rest next to Sasuke. Tenten felt a little crowded, but it wasn't any worse than being in the same room as Gai and Rock Lee when they have one of their "moments". What fascinates her, however, is how Kankuro is acting. The boy that she knew was quiet, concentrated, and more than a little intimidating. The boy sitting next to her is a different person entirely. He teases, injects witty comments into neighboring conversations, and is rather approachable. 'I wonder which is the real Kankuro, if either.'

Never one to beat about the bush, "Kankuro, are you always this talkative?"

Kankuro raised an eyebrow. "Am I annoying you, princess?"

"No, but you seem so different in art class. You don't have schizophrenia, do you?"

He chuckled a bit. "No more than the next man. Although the next man _is_ Gaara."

On the other side of the table, Naruto produced a pack of saltines from his lunchbox. Gaara, who had remained silent after the cursory introductions, remarked, "I heard it's impossible to eat 6 saltines in a minute."

Naruto looked at the boy, the crackers, then Hinata. "Let's find out."

Hinata watched the clock. The two boys stared at the two stacks of crackers with something akin to a murderous intensity. "Go!" came the soft cry.

Naruto had only two more to go when disaster struck. He started choking on a bit of unchewed cracker. Gaara smacked the back of the blonde's head. The half eaten cracker hit the table with a wet splat. Sasuke raised his eyebrows at Sakura. "You have one too?"

_______________________________________________________________________________

AN: Phew. Newfound respect for professional writers.

Looking through the idea pages that help frame this story, I found the scene that made me include Steve the Hawk. However, it's context is in the previous chapter. So here it is as an omake of sorts.

Naruto glared at Sasuke and Sakura as they walked to the parking lot, hand-in-hand.

"Grah! They're so happy! Any moment now a bird will land on his shoulder and we'll all break into song and dance."

Ino looked at him as if he was crazy. As if on cue, Steve swooped down from the sky and perched on Sasuke's shoulder, with a smug look on his face.

Naruto folded his arms and nodded his head, still scowling. "You may now call me the great prophet Uzumaki."

ja ne.


	4. September

Gaara was having an odd day. When he woke up, his face felt funny. He put his clothes on in the dark, not that light would have changed the color of his apparel. He ate his smore poptarts cold, shrugged on his backpack, and greeted the predawn outdoors. He loved the tranquility that graced the twilight as he walked to school. He could have caught a ride with his siblings, but he did not like to impose on others, nor talk to people in general. On a good day he could beat a mute at silence. An hour of walking later, he arrived at the doors of the school. The janitor opened them for him, having reached an understanding long ago. This morning the janitor gave him a strange look, but offered no comment. Gaara wondered if he was earlier than usual. The math classroom was pleasantly empty and slightly warm, and so he napped particularly well. When awoke for the second time that day, there was the normal perimeter of empty desks, yet the glances sent his way had more disgust, curiosity, and in one disturbing case, lust than was normal. Ebisu, as always, did not call on him at all, and the period passed soon enough. When he walked into social studies, Ino gasped.

"Wow, Gaara, I never knew you were so good. Remind me to call you before I go to the prom."

"What?"

"You did a great job with your make up. Are you secretly a girl?"

"I didn't put on make up."

Ino fished around in her purse for a moment, then withdrew a small hand mirror. He stared at his reflection. Indeed, whoever had made over his face was a master. The pale eye shadow, the crimson lipstick, and somehow, he did not have bags under his eyes anymore. He returned the mirror with a nod of thanks. He spent the next two periods making people question their sexuality, laughing maniacally on the inside. Because of this, he was a bit late to lunch. (He had practiced swaying his hips on the way.) When he arrived, Naruto gave him the squinty-scowl that usually indicated confusion.

"Why are you pretty today?"

Gaara shrugged. "I woke up like this. Maybe it was the Make Up Fairy."

Ino sighed wistfully.

"I wish the Make Up Fairy visited me every night."

Kankuro wiggled his eyebrows at her. "I didn't know you felt that way about me."

Ino looked at him appraisingly.

"Never mind."

Kankuro winced.

Tenten hardly breathed as her scalpel carved a miniscule wedge out of the sculpture. Each stroke of her hand pulled a primeval horror out of the clay, replete with tentacles, scales, and a majestic pair of bat wings. At last, with a great exhalation, she sat back and admired her art project in all its unholy glory. She was startled out of her reverie by the sound of someone clapping.

"I'm impressed, princess, " said Kankuro. "I had no idea you were so good at sculpture."

Tenten shrugged, nonchalant, but she smiled a bit.

"It's more real to me than drawing or painting. I like it and it likes me."

"Let's just hope some idiot's project doesn't explode in the kiln. I'd hate to see that destroyed."

"Me too. Speaking of idiots, I'm not looking forward to the talent show. It's only a month away, but Lee is already practicing."

"Is it bad?"

Tenten shuddered. "You have no idea."

Kankuro eyes acquired a mischievous gleam as he looked at the girl before him. It made her slightly uncomfortable.

"What is it?"

"Would you help me compete in the talent show?"

"You're competing?"

"I wasn't, but you gave me an idea."

"Well, what is it?"

"How would you like to learn to dance?"

"Dance? I'd rather not make a fool of myself in front of the whole school, thank you very much."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'll be supporting you, literally."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tenten grew accustomed to the cold metal chair as her body warmed it. Her eyes wandered from paintings to drawings, occasionally stopping to admire a particularly good piece.

_"If you're going to be a puppet, you will have to remain still for extended periods. I don't want anyone to figure anything out until our act is finished."_

A sheet-covered irregular form aroused her curiosity. Careful to not move anything more than her vocal chords and tongue, she asked, "What's that?"

Kankuro followed her eyes.

"Oh that? It's a project I've been working on for a while now."

He strode to it, then whisked off the covering. A puppet gazed at her with one solitary golden eye. "I haven't gotten around to making all the parts yet, but I think it's coming along quite nicely, if I say so myself."

The beak, the grid-like projection from the back of the head, the torso, all seemed familiar, but the name escaped her.

"Isn't that from Mystery Science Theater 3000?"

"Yup. Crow T. Robot. Anyways, back to doll lessons. For the next hour, I want you to be completely still, shallow breaths, closed eyes, everything must be limp. I'll be watching, and every time you move, the hour will start over again."

"Am I pretending to be a puppet or a prisoner?"

"Yes."

Tenten sighed, but she still closed her eyes and clasped her hands in her lap. Kankuro got himself comfortable, then waited and watched. He could only focus for so long, however. Soon enough, his thoughts wandered as much as his gaze did to check for movement.

_'So far so good.'_

_'Those Chinese shirts look good.'_

_'Mmm. Wantons.'_

_"I'm lucky she's so... pretty'  
_His mind froze for a moment, then continued.

_'I wonder what she likes to do...'_

_'We should definitely date after this is over.'_

_'I am a genius.'_

The timer surprised them both, and with that the hour was over.

"Very good, princess. Shall we begin your dance lessons?"

Tenten stretched, cricked her neck, then nodded.

"Prepare to be disappointed."

Kankuro laughed. "With you? Impossible."

He lead her to a stately room with wooden flooring. It was completely void of furniture, except two folding chairs, a boom box resting on one, a towel on the other. Tenten raised looked at the boy skeptically. "Hip hop?"

Kankuro leaned down and pressed a button on the stereo. A peculiar instrument played, not unlike the effect of plucking a violin's strings.

"No, traditional Japanese. If you would, step back on to my shoes."

"Japan is weird."

Then she looked more closely at his shoes. They were black and narrow, with a flat top. They looked wooden, and rather longer than normal.

"This part isn't exactly Japanese. I'll be your puppeteer, but no strings. Shall we begin?"

If Tenten was bothered by the extreme proximity to Kankuro such a set up required, she didn't show it. Nevertheless, he did his best to make it not awkward. His arms ran parallel to hers, except where he held her wrists. As he led her through the choreography of the dance, she resisted at the beginning of each change in movement, unsure of the rhythm and motions required.

"... and back into the curtains. What do you think?"

He released her. She draped herself over a chair.

"What's the point of me being here? Wouldn't a mannequin work just as well, if not better?"

Kankuro shook his head. "You'll be manipulating fans, something too complex for a mannequin. Besides, it's more fun this way."

Tenten stared at him blankly.

"You're ridiculous."

"I know. Let's go over the first part until I don't have to pull you along."

She arose with a sigh, then stepped back onto his weird shoes.

That day's practice was at an end. Kankuro kneaded his sore arms. Tenten just sprawled upon the cool floor.

_'It's weird,'_ thought Kankuro, _'you read about people having a particular scent in books, but for the life of me, I can't remember what Tenten's is. Then again, the stories are fan fiction, so romanticizing is to be expected. It probably doesn't help that my sense of smell is next to nil.'_

"Why do you call me princess?"

The boy returned from his wool gathering session.

"Does it annoy you?"

"Not really. I just don't think I'm particularly princessy."

"Part of it _is_ the irony. Mostly its how you looked before my family joined your table, like a queen at her court."

"Then I shall have to insist that you refer to me as 'Your Highness' or 'Your Imperial Majesty'."

"Whatever you say, princess."

"You shall be punished for your impertinence, peasant."

"Oh _yes_! Punish me!"

Tenten looked up at Kankuro in shock.

"... You're not really into _that_, are you?"

The lad laughed as he arose.

"No, not unless you want me to be. Come on, we've still got homework."

"Speak for yourself. I already finished mine. However, it is my turn for dinner tonight."

On the way out the door, Kankuro handed her a DVD. "Just in case you have time to practice on you own."

"Thanks."

And with that she got into her car and drove away. She smiled on the way home. She liked dancing or, perhaps, dancing with Kankuro. The girl didn't bother to try and figure out which.

She opened the door to the orphanage. As she deposited the DVD on a handy shelf, she shuddered at the faint strain of music seething forth from Lee's room. Just as she turned towards the kitchen, a little redheaded boy collided with her legs. He was followed by two blonde girls, the older one scowling.

"Aunty Ten! Aunty Tem!"

"What is it, Connor?"

"Brittany hit me!"

"Brittany?"

The older blonde stuck her tongue out at the boy. They were about the same age.

"_He_ stole my Barbie."

"Connor. . ."

He looked up at Tenten with big puppy eyes.

"I was going to give it back, Aunty."

Tenten sighed.

"Connor, don't steal. Brittany, don't hit. Just for that, Sarah will be my helper today. You two will clean the front room."

Brittany and Connor groaned, but obeyed. Sarah held her arms up at Tenten. She picked the little girl up with a grunt.

"You're growing, you know that?"

Sarah giggled.

"So what do you think we should make?"

Sarah concentrated hard for a moment, then waved her arms happily. "Panpan!"

"Alright, little missy. You stir and I'll pour, okay?"

"Kay kay!"

Tenten tied her apron on, the got out the mixing bowl and spoon. She was digging for the recipe when the phone rang.

"Honestly, " she mumbled. The children were happier, and sang,

"The phone. The phone is riiiinging. The phone. I'll be right there!"

The highschooler picked up the receiver, pinned it between her ear and her shoulder, and continued to look through the recipe books for the elusive pancake recipe.

"Mighto Orphanage, how can I help you?"

"This is Kabuto from Vids, Kids, and Cards. Could you remind Lee that _Poppin' Fresh Dance Moves_ is due tomorrow?"

"Sure."

Having found the recipe, she started collecting the ingredients. "Out of curiosity, do you ever feel ridiculous when you say the name of that video?"

"A bit yes, but more people rent it than you would think."

Tenten shook her head in disbelief.

"Have a nice day."

"You too, bye."

Click.  
Tenten set her burden before the giddy Sarah.

"Let's try not to make a mess, okay?"

Sarah put a serious face, as serious as a four year old can be.

"Make mess."

Tenten sighed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ino was glad she was not in Lee's group. Among the various basketball stations was horse, and he got too competitive in challenge-based games. Considering Gai's fondness for such games, it was not too surprising. Her group, however, consisted of herself, Temari, and Shikamaru. Thus Ino had front row seats for an epic battle of personalities. Temari always intimidated her a little, somehow making a dress seem warlike. Her fondness for dresses may contribute to her bad temper in Phys Ed.

"Shikamaru, you _will_ do the exercises, one way or another."

"Don't bother me, woman."

She scowled at the recumbent boy, then rolled him over and literally kicked his butt. "There. Exercise is the best way to relieve the pain you are now feeling."

"Why do you care?" He grumbled, rubbing his offended posterior.

"It pisses me off to see you slack off every class. Some of us actually have to work for our grades."

In time they came to a particularly complex station that Gai was overseeing. This time it only took a punch to convince Shikamaru to participate. Ino sidled over next to the teacher.

"Is that really okay?"

Gai grinned, his eyes tracking the slacker as he dodged around a number of automated padded pillars.

"Ms. Sabaku has succeeded where I could not. I cannot fault her for her radiant Fire of Youth!"

"Ah."

"Yes, I'm quite proud of her... and him too! He just beat the record for the obstacle course!"

"What does an obstacle course have to do with basketball?"

"Every game is a battle! Your opponents might not be as honorable as you, so you must be prepared for the worst!"

"I... see."

Temari felt quite smug about her success. Shikamaru glared at her from where he leaned against a wall, panting.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ino collapsed in her chair in Kurenai's class. She was fairly certain that the exercises were from a police or military course.

"Gai's tough, eh?"

Ino cracked an eye open at the unsympathetic smile of Tenten.

"How do you live with him? I'm surprised you don't look like a bodybuilder."

Tenten shrugged.

"For all his eccentricies, and they are _many_, he believes everyone has the right to choose what kind of fit body they want to have. I have chosen gymnast, so I'm lean and graceful."

"Smart. You doing anything after school? I'm shopping for a Halloween costume and could use some input."

"Sorry, I'm helping Kankuro with his act. Maybe I could help sometime after the talent show."

"So what's he up to?"

Tenten shook her head with a smile. "It's a secret."

"Spoilsport."

The bell rang, and so Tenten left for her seat. Kurenai rose from her desk and stood before the lone chalkboard in the room.

"We will be starting a new unit, which a number of you might actually use in real life. Let us examine the process of drawing a portrait..."

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The ballroom now held a mirror in addition to the chairs and such. What looked like a drying rack for laundry held a number of silk garments, each bearing a variation on the theme of falling sakura petals. A soft gasp left her mouth, and Tenten felt drawn to the obviously expensive masterpiece of textile production. With some effort, she tore her eyes from the kimono components and turned to question Kankuro, but he was not there. Temari closed the door behind her, then paused to look appraisingly at Tenten.

"Temari, what's going on?"

She ignored her for a moment, then nodded.

"My brother may have a fair hand at make up, but clothing is my domain. Besides, it is traditional to be naked under a kimono, and I don't think you're that far with my brother."

Tenten blushed, then eyed the silk with trepidation.

"It's not... reveling, is it?"

Temari smiled at the irony.

"Hardly, though it may be uncomfortable at first. Shall we begin?"

Tenten sighed, then removed her shoes.

Temari opened the door for her brother, hand on her hip.

"So, sister, what do you think?"

Temari smiled grudgingly.

"Across an ocean she could model them. You got lucky."

Kankuro leaned around his sister and gave a low whistle.

"Could you stop talking like I'm not here?"

Tenten shifted uncomfortably, then stopped herself. "How're you supposed to move in this thing? It feels like one wrong move and it'll rip."

Kankuro laughed.

"It's silk, princess, it won't rip easily. The trick is to take small steps."

Temari made a sound of disgust.

"I'll leave you two to your practice. I don't think I can stomach the flirting."

"Thank you for your service, my favorite older sister."

"I'm your only older sister. And you better not try the other traditional use of kimonos."

"You wound me!"

"Don't tempt me."

The door closed, and Tenten tilted her head.

"What other use is there?"

"... Never mind." He held up two folding fans.  
"Today we'll incorporate these into the routine, as well as getting you used to the kimono. Think you can handle it?"

Tenten accepted the fans awkwardly.

"Let's find out."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Her back was to the mirror. The brush pulled gently on her face, and the steady hand that held her chin made her blush slightly. Admittedly, in the past two weeks they had been much closer and with more surfaces in contact, but the look on his face... it was hard to stay still. What seemed like an eternity passed, and at last he let her see herself. A shocked daimyo's daughter stared back at her. Tenten dared not touch her face, but her fingers still drifted near.

"Is... is that me?"

Kankuro smiled.

"I'd rock as a fairy godmother."

Tenten schooled her features into a more regal expression of amusement.

"The crown would be _most_ displeased should you have a sex change."

Kankuro shrugged.

"If you insist."

Tenten laughed.

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The night of the talent show arrived. Sakura and Sasuke made their way through the darkened auditorium to their seats.

"I don't understand why this is so important to you."

Sakura glanced back at her boyfriend, eyes wide in feigned innocence.

"It is important to support our friends and cohabitants!"

"... Stop that. You sound like Lee."

"What I don't understand is why you can't refer to the boy by his first name."

"Lee is a normal name. Plenty of perfectly respectable people are named Lee. Only professional wrestlers are named Rock. Regardless, you haven't answered my question."

"What do you think Tenten and Kankuro are doing in that room? They always come out sweaty and happy. I don't think they spend the whole time on Kankuro's act..."

Sasuke's face reddened. "... Whatever you're thinking, it's not that. Anyways, I can't tell you. Kankuro has me sworn to secrecy."

At this point they were sitting next to each other, leaning rather close to be heard over the buzz of the audience. "He's blackmailing you, isn't he?"

"Triplicate and a flash drive somewhere. The bastard."

The crowd quieted as Principle Tsunade took the stage.

"Welcome to this year's Spoons High Talent Show! But you didn't pay to see me, or at least I hope not,"

She winked and most of the students assembled groaned.

"so let's get things started with the Sugar Cubes!"

Sakura remarked, "I've said this before, but we need to find a better name for our cheerleaders."

"It doesn't matter. No one takes them seriously."

The girls were waving their arms around in time with the music, throwing in the occasional jump and/or twirl.  
Sakura nudged Sasuke.

"Is it just me or are they kinda generic? For the life of me, I can't remember their names."

"It's probably because they're just filler characters."

"What?"

"Nothing."

When "Plain Jane" by the Vanilla Beans ended, the cheerleaders cart wheeled off the stage among scattered applause.

Kiba looked over his shoulder. Akamaru was ready at the drums. The amp hummed in harmony with his nerves. His guitar strap applied a reassuring pressure against his neck. The suit was rather warm on the stage, but it was necessary.

"And a one, a two, a three."

It was an old song but classic. In the end, he had decided against a long grey beard.

_"Clean shirt, new shoes, and I don't know where I'ma going to.  
Silk suit, black tie, I don't need a reason why-y-y.  
They come runnin' just as fast as they can 'cause every girl's crazy for a sharp dressed man."_

_  
_He was temporarily drowned out by high pitched screams.

Neji, clad in his white karate gi, bowed to the audience. Twelve wooden planks were braced at various heights, and four more lay on cinder blocks. He took a deep breath, and began a series of kata that left a swath of broken wood and concrete in little over 20 seconds. He bowed once more, then left the stage, nary a hair out of place.

Lee nodded to the special effects operator. As "Owner of a Lonely Heart" played, his body mesmerized the audience. His dance moves were dated, but well executed. He finished with a knee slide that stopped just short of the edge of the stage, arms outstretched. A girl in the front seat fainted.

"That wasn't soul-scarring like Tenten said it would be. I am somehow disappointed." commented Sakura.

"In my opinion, the pelvic gyration was in poor taste."

"Elvis did the same thing."

"Elvis looked good."

At length the crowd grew silent. Sakura checked her program.

"This should be Kankuro."

Pink and white petals drifted from somewhere off-stage. A koto sounded form the depths of the sound system, a leisurely yet stately tune. A paper- paned door slid aside, revealing a classic Japanese beauty. Each step she took held a humble grace, each smooth sweep of the arm rustled the drifting petals.

"It's hard to believe that's Kankuro. Is he wearing a mask?" Sakura whispered.

Sasuke shook his head. "Look, you can see something black just behind the dancer. It's a good puppet show, nothing more."

"Then why did he need Tenten?"

"I can't say."

The accompaniment struck a final chord, and the puppeteer stepped out from behind his instrument. She was careful to hold the position she was left in as he stood beside her. With a practiced grace, they bowed simultaneously. Kankuro resumed his role as the puppeteer and backed through the doors he had entered. The door was just starting to close when his ears were drowned in a sea of clapping. They removed themselves to a secluded area near the stage. Tenten sighed in relief.

"Do you think they'll figure it out?"

Kankuro sat on a convenient folding chair.

"That's part of the fun."

He too sighed, but in satisfaction. Gaara passed by, wearing a blood red tuxedo. Kankuro waved.

"Knock 'em dead, bro!"

Gaara paused, turned, and nodded. In his arms he held Steve the hawk and a snake. The snake stared straight at Tenten. Then Gaara was off again. The girl glanced at her fellow performer.

"Why did you pick me anyways? Before then we barely talked, and I know Temari could pull this off better." she said, gesturing at the kimono.

"Temari wouldn't have pretended to be the puppet. Besides, I kinda- I mean, I sorta-maybe... like you."

Tenten looked at him. It was a long, blank look, and the boy began to blush. At last she smiled.

"You're lucky I 'kinda sorta maybe' like you too."

The conversation was interrupted by a chorus of blood-curdling screams. Kankuro grinned.

"That's Gaara for you, taking me literally."

Tenten rolled her eyes.

"Are you ever serious?"

"Only when I need to be."

"How about now? I am going to be frank with you, and I don't want joking or evasion."

"You have my attention and my word."

"We are very different, in personality, in wealth, in family. People talk about opposites attracting, but that is just lazy thinking. People look for what they need, and by definition, they do not have it themselves. I want to see if you have what I need."

"Are you... are you asking me to be your boyfriend?"

She took a deep breath, then let it out.

"Yes."

Kankuro felt a flurry of emotion that he would never quite remember clearly. What he would remember is this: She had taken a step in the dark to be closer to him. The trust, hope, and sincerity inherent in this act touched him. It almost surprised him, that he too trusted her, hoped for something between them, and would sincerely try to make it work, whatever it is.  
"It would be my honor and my pleasure."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: ugh. that took a while to get out.

I have heard some concerns that Ino isn't showing up so much. This is true; for the purposes of this story, she is the ground state of narration, but that doesn't mean she will be the main character, necessarily. I just find her point of view the most useful in initiating progress in the story. What aggravated me about Twilight, and subsequentially inspired me to write Spoons was the authress's disregard for the minor characters, the handful of humans who only existed as a backdrop for Bella to angst against, someone for edward to dazzle, and the occasional bearer of exposition. That said, each character I've introduced will be revisited at a later date, most notably after the supernatural enters into the narrative.

Oh, also. This story may or may not be in the same 'verse as twilight. It will never include twilight characters, but some of the mythos may wander in.

As for the three little orphan kids Tenten is taking care of, I realise their names don't exactly match the rest of the characters; keep in mind they are being raised by Gai in part, so some engrish may be excused in such a way. The main reason why I didn't change their names is because once they got them, the names sort of had to be part of the character. It's hard to explain.

Thank you for reading thus far.

ja ne.


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Sorry for the wait. This was a weird chapter, as it didn't have any milestone I had planned to end on. Mostly its purpose was to figure out the characters more, and to leave hints about their respective abilities. More hints are scattered about in the earlier chapters. Their abilities will be revealed in about 2 chapters._

The crowd had dispersed after a brief dismissal from the curiously well-endowed principal. Kiba, arms full of musical equipment, crossed the sparsely populated parking lot. _'It's times like these that make me resolve to be early more often.'_ He thought with chagrin. He stood next to the car door, juggling the amp and guitar case, seeking to free up a hand.

"Here, let me get that for you."

Ino opened the car door, smiling in the night air.

"Ah, thanks." Then he made a face. "That should have been locked…"

Unburdened, he checked the other locks. Ino looked on in bemusement, leaning on the cool metal of the hood, careful to avoid the rust spots.

"I think your car has seen better days."

Kiba sat sideways in the driver's seat, his legs stretched out beside hers. He sighed, his breath misting in the first hints of autumn.

"It was my dad's. In his wilder days he was a ranger in Yellowstone. Supposedly he drove it across a geyser on a dare. It would explain the smell I can't get out of the seats."

Ino leaned down, sniffing the air in the car. Kiba suddenly became aware of her proximity, and the way the cut of her top swayed and hinted at certain… things…

Ino pulled back with a shrug.

"It smells like the pine tree air freshener things. What's with them anyways? They don't even smell like pine."

"I think they wanted the good smell connotation of pine, but couldn't reproduce the smell artificially."

"Sounds likely."

It was a comfortable silence. For the past month, Kiba had felt a rapport grow between him and this young woman of the desert. It certainly didn't hurt that she smelled genuinely good, as only a florist could. There was a processed edge to most perfumes he often encountered. Once, he became physically sick when he passed a particularly heavily perfumed classmate. It goes without saying that he spends the absolute minimum amount of time in the boys' locker room.

"You surprised me tonight," the blonde said, "I had no idea you could play guitar. Is it a guy thing to keep your talents secret?"

Kiba half-shrugged.

"I didn't keep it secret, it just never came up. That's why they have these things, you know?"

"I guess. The song you sang was right, in case you were wondering."

"You're crazy for me?"

Ino rolled her eyes as she made her way to the passenger seat.

"Hardly."

Kiba swung his legs into the car. Ino gave him a measuring look. She wasn't evaluating him, nor looking for something hidden, but something she had seen before.

"When I first arrived, Sakura said you were pretty much Naruto's twin, but I just don't see it. You're too well groomed, among other things."

Kiba reclined the back of the car seat. Ino copied after a few moments of fumbling for the lever. Kiba tilted his head, his eyes tracing the constellations.

"At one point, that may have been true. I remember we were quite rowdy in middle school. Still are, somewhat." He said with a smile. "I think we sort of drifted apart during the summer before high school. It was a good time to change, and that's what I did. I guess she never noticed. You always pay the least attention to what you know best."

"Her loss, eh?"

Kiba smiled once more in the dark.

"Yeah."

Ino hummed as she entered her home, the scents of an hundred flowers breezing past into the cool night. The Yamanaka store had closed hours ago, so Ino navigated her way to the family room in the dark. The voice of her father reached her as she laid her hand on the doorknob.

"-ended an hour ago. I'm going to look for her."

"Give her some time. I'm sure she is just talking with her friends. She's lucky to have made so many so soon."

"There are too many boys among her friends for my comfort. I just can't bring myself to trust that many teenage boys."

Ino felt she had done enough eavesdropping. As she opened the door, she said,

"Honestly, Dad, most of the them are smitten with other girls. I think I'm safe."

Mr. Yamanaka scowled at her.

"I hope you still have that mace I got you?"

"Yes, here in my purse."

She tossed the accessory at the foot of the couch where her mother sat. Ino skipped over and gave her dad a hug.

"Thanks for worrying, even if it is completely unnecessary."

He held her with a certain tenderness, which was also in the look he gave his wife. Ino released the hug and snuggled up next to her mother for warmth.

"It was pretty cool. The kids at school are really talented, and I had front row seats."

Mrs. Yamanaka sniffed her daughter, then raised an amused eyebrow.

"Hmm… I smell boy. You were with that boy you liked?"

"Mom!"

"Boy? What boy? God help him if touched you, I definitely won't! Who's this pup? A boy." He said the word with a special malice and intent to kill normally the domain of bitter war veterans. Ino pouted at her mom.

"See what you did? Now dad's gonna kill the male half of the student body."

"Heh, sorry."

Mr. Yamanaka glowered at his family.

"Stop ignoring me. You bring him over soon, understand? I'm sure I have the gun somewhere, so we can talk man to man."

Ino sighed in resignation.

"I will, but you have to promise not to shoot him. I can't use a dead boyfriend."

He stared at her consternation.

"What should I do with the gun, clean it?"

Mrs. Yamanaka patted her husband's arm.

"Why don't you use that sword you got from the garage sale the other day? It'll get the 'point' across."

Ino groaned.

"Not helping, Mom. Not helping."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hinata found herself surprised at how quickly they got to his car. She had to follow close behind Naruto as they slipped between the swirling masses of people. She almost giggled when he held the opened the car door for her, but she could see he was earnest in his politeness. As he drove, she glanced at him occasionally. Even so, she was startled when he spoke, though that was far from unusual. He surprised her often and pleasantly.

"So Neji knows karate… remind me not to get on his bad side."

"Um… You might already be on his bad side. You are the orphan who has captured the heart of his darling cousin."

"Oh fair Capulet, please don't let him kill me! I'm too young, and I love you and stuff."

Hinata blushed at his proclamation of love, even though he was trying to be humorous.

"Don't worry, he probably won't kill you, unless I say so."

Naruto turned toward her, his eyes awash in unshed tears.

"You wouldn't do that, would you?"

"Um, Naruto?"

"You would!"

"No! Could you watch the road? I'd hate to die crash."

He turned his gaze forward with a hint of embarrassment.

"So picky, afraid of a little mortal peril. I guess that's what you get when you date a corporate princess."

"Yes, well, car crashes are so novue riche. Father always said a Hyuuga should go out in a plane crash, or, if possible, an ocean liner."

"Expensive even in death?"

"Of course."

She examined her nails in mock vanity.

"After all, it wouldn't do if the commoners didn't appreciate the full tragedy of my passing."

Naruto chuckled, then swerved back and forth, eliciting an "Eep!" of surprise from the girl.

"You're my favorite heiress."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gai blinded his students with his incandescent smile.

"Today, we will measure your youthful energy! Lee! Stopwatch! Erasers!"

The named items flew through the air to the orphan, tears streaming from his eyes at the trust thereby shown.

"YOSH Great Teacher Gai!"

Ino could almost hear the capitals.

"My Eternal Rival will be supervising the pull-ups. Kakashi! Clipboard!"

The masked one caught it with an ease that surprised many of the students.

"Where's my book?"

Gai chuckled.

"After class, my friend." Then, to the class, "I myself will be recording your sit-ups and flexibility. You must keep your youthful minds active, so I have provided…" He whipped a cloth off of a table. "Stacking cups!"

Shikamaru carefully set the cup in the growing pyramid, the edges barely coming into contact with th e two supporting cups.

"This is ridiculous." He grumbled.

For once, Temari agreed. They were waiting for their turn at the sit-ups, and the sandy blonde quickly becoming as bored as her designated victim. She sat cross-legged, an elbow on her knee, the palm squishing her cheek slightly as it support her head. Her other arm building a rough triangle of the absurd cups. She growled impotently.

"I _hate_ having to sit-ups first."

With more force than was really necessary, Temari collapsed her tower. A rogue cup wreaked merry havoc with his delicate structure. He looked at her with mild curiosity.

"Any particular reason why?"

Temari leaned back, her arms bracing her.

"It throws off my scores for the other tests, not to mention how sore it makes my stomach for the rest of the day."

Shikamaru hummed his agreement. In the back of his mind, a voice commented on a different topic entirely.

'_I wouldn't mind if she stayed in that position.'_

The voice, strictly speaking, did not exist, but for the purposes of illustrating the multilayered, and sometimes conflicting stream of consciousness in one Shikamaru Nara, the voice will be permitted. As previously reported, the voice notified Shikamaru of the effects of Temari's posture on her attire and other items of interest, and its appreciation thereof. Shikamaru did his level best to ignore the reports this awareness had delivered, but he was not completely successful. To distract himself, as much as one can distract an abnormally intelligent person, he spoke.

"Sounds like you just hate sit-ups."

Temari tilted her head to the side, then back.

"There's some truth to that"

Gai's voice boomed across the gym. "Nara, Sabaku."

They arrived at the station, Temari volunteering to go first. She lied down in the required position, then glared at the boy over her knees in warning.

"Hold down my feet with your hands. I don't want scuff marks, nor bruises."

The threat was unvoiced, but familiar to him. Shikamaru nodded and kneeled before her, careful to press just enough to keep her grounded. His face held an expression of irritation, but in truth he was not that inconvenienced. The proximity and circumstance made it something of a novel experience.

"3... 2... 1...Go!"

The voice became harder to ignore.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hinata's pale eyes flickered between the model's face and the emerging sketch on her paper. With a discouraged sigh, she set her pencil down on the table. To her it seemed more of a caricature than picture. Lee lowered his arms, concern evident in every part of his form.

"Is everything alright, Hinata? Did I move again? If I did I will do one hundred pushups! Yosh!"

He leapt from his seat before the girl could speak.

"No, it's just… I don't think I can do this. Look, it hardly looks like you."

Lee strode to her side.

"I must disagree, gentle Hinata. It is a very youthful depiction! If I may be so bold, may I have it after our honorable teacher grades it?"

Hinata flushed in embarrassment, but his words had their desired effect. She smiled.

"I would like that. I think."

Lee resumed his former position and pose and, in time, the portrait was done. As he set up his pad and paper, a thought occurred to Hinata.

"Why were you late? If you don't mind me asking."

She could almost feel the wave of embarrassment emanating from him.

"I lost track of time on the pull-up bar. It will not happen again, or I will run 40 laps on the track!"

He almost leapt up again, but he remembered where he was. With a concentration that bordered on the absurd, he took his pencil to its limits in order to draw as quickly and accurately as possible. It didn't turn out well, but Hinata forgave him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kiba found himself in front of the bathroom mirror. The moon shone through the window, its full disc illuminating the young man.

'Did I sleep walk?'

He was still in the boxers he slept in; he thanked his lucky stars he wasn't in public. With a shrug, he shuffled back to his room and fell asleep once more.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ino woke, the full moon shining on the wall beside her bed. She shivered, even though the night was quite warm. In fact, she was rather warm herself. It was the first time she dreamed of Kiba like _that._ Even if he wasn't naked, it was close enough. Her face burned in the night. She cast her sheets from her bed, the gentle breeze from her electric fan caressing her tousled pajamas. She flipped her pillow to the cold side and stared at the ceiling, hoping she would be able to look him in the face the next day.

Ino parked her car, rain pattering against her windshield. She entered English in a foul mood, which must have shown on her face.

"Rough night?" For a moment Ino was confused, then she wondered if Sakura was psychic.

"Sort of. Though it had to rain today, Wednesday, the hump day, the day where time passes impossibly slow. Ugh."

Sakura shrugged.

"Be glad it wasn't raining for the talent show. We were due for some, and I guess it came today. I forget sometimes that you're not from around here."

The girls watched Naruto and Hinata talk, a small smile creeping onto Sakura's face. Ino shook her head.

"He is such a puppy, always following her around, doing little tricks to make her laugh."

Sakura looked sidelong at her friend.

"Jealous?"

Ino waved her hand dismissively.

"Nah, he's too bouncy for me. I'd get tired trying to keep up."

"Why Ino, I never dreamed you thought about such things. I guess city girls really are different."

The blonde mock glared at her friend.

"At least I'm not some farmer's daughter, rolling in the hay with every visitor."

Sakura patted Ino's hand.

"You'll get your turn soon, hun. I don't usually swing that way, but I'll make an exception for you."

Ino smiled.

"I am so proud of you, Sakura. I have no more to teach you."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She almost didn't notice Ebisu as she tried to ignore her nerves. To her surprise, though, she found it easier to look him in the face than not, as her eyes had a tendency to drift… lower. Perhaps because of this, she noticed that her too looked tired. She was more forcibly reminded of her dream, but dismissed the notion before it formed.

"You alright, Kiba?"

He nodded wearily.

"I woke up in the middle of last night. It wouldn't be so bad, but Naruto called me about a crazy idea he had just then."

"Huh. What was his idea?"

"I'm sure he'll tell you at lunch. If you'll excuse me, I must check my eyelids for leaks."

He rested his head on his arms, a look of contentment on his face. Sakura glanced at Ino, who was all to happy to just stare at the sleeping boy.

Sakura said, "I see…"

That got Ino's attention.

"What? No! You don't see anything. You are totally blind. And stuff."

Sakura hummed happily to herself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mexo-suits."

Ino opened her mouth, but the sheer nonsense prevented her from making any intelligent inquiry. Naruto preened, clearly proud of his idea. Gaara poked him.

"Explain."

Kiba groaned. "Please don't."

"Shut up. Dog breath."

Kiba very deliberately popped a tic tac into his mouth, then bit down with a crunch.

Naruto stood and began pacing around the table as he instructed them in a facet of his genius.

"The mexo-suit will revolutionize the fast food industry. It is, as the name suggests, an exo-suit. However, the genius lies in the coolant. Refried beans, my friends, refried beans. It carries the heat away from the servos, until the only hot surface is the area reserved for tortilla baking. Through the normal usage of such equipment, a restaurant can have a steady supply of the most fundamental components of most dishes."

Naruto resumed his seat.

Temari tilted her head to the side. "Is this where we laugh?"Tenten shrugged. "It'd sound forced, so I won't."

Naruto pouted. "Just for that, I won't hire any of you for my awesome restaurant chain."

Sasuke's lips turned up ever so slightly.

"Learn enough to make these suits, and I'll finance this venture myself."

Naruto beamed. "Someone appreciates genius. Thanks, Sasuke-not-bastard."

Sakura looked at her boyfriend incredulously. "Are you serious?"

Sasuke's faint smile grew wicked. "Very. I know Naruto won't be able to get a degree in engineering and implement a bean coolant system. He's just not that smart."

Naruto wore a betrayed look on his face. "Sasuke, you are now a double bastard. Both of your parents were from affairs, and they had an affair just to get you. You sicken me, oh ye of illegitimate birth."

Sasuke laced his fingers together and gazed over the top of them.

"Ramen… is terrible."

Naruto had to be physically restrained.

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_AN: I had a decent amount of fun writing this chapter. In case you can't tell, Naruto is my channel for my more absurd ideas. Speaking of which, I have an omake for you._ _Originally, this was supposed to happen on the car ride with Hinata and Naruto, but it felt awkward no matter how I tried to get it in._

Hinata took a deep breath.

"So, Naruto, Do you have a talent?"

Naruto squinted in concentration.

"I don't know about that, but I would like to be a professional eater."

"What's that?"

"I wouldn't necessarily be faster than anyone, or particularly good at tasting subtle flavors, but people will have the mysterious urge to give me money when they see me eat. I'll show up at a restaurant and the manager will be like, 'Welcome, Uzu-maki the great. We have the table ready fora youa.' It's Italian, you see. And I'll have charity eatings at fast food places for the starving kids in Africa, 'cause I totally know where they're coming from."

_AN: yeah, awkward. bye._


	6. Room full of crazy

_AN: Hey, I'm alive. For a long while I tried to break my brain about what the Halloween party should be, having a) never been to one and b) not liking parties in general. I found a sort of solution, and so now it is up to you to mock me mercilessly._

Shikamaru sat against the wall of the gym with the other players on his team. Among these, as always, was the beautiful senior Temari, the bane of his existence. It was their turn to sit out while the other two teams played, and they were all very sweaty from their exertions. Almost of their own accord, his eyes sought out the troublesome young lady. To his surprise, she was completely fry. He searched the vicinity for a cause, but there were no fans, no vents, nothing. Shikamaru had known for a long time that his family was different from normal people, but this was the first indication that others might belong apart from the general populace. At once, several things fell into place. Why some families, regardless of their profession, are treated with greater respect than was due, even the children. Shikamaru had assumed this was due to mafia connections, or something similar. He got up with a sigh, and moved next to Temari, ignoring the raised eyebrows and low murmuring that rose in his wake.

"Sweat is such a troublesome way to cool the body."

She gave him an odd look, then noted her condition.

"What alternative do you have?"

"None, but someone might have… resources I do not."

"How would such a person avoid the scientific experimentation and examination that would follow such resources demonstrated publicly?"

"I imagine there would be a community that lacked normal people. It would have to be remote and discourage inquiry. Funny how Spoons doesn't seem to show up on any map."

Temari shook her head in reluctant admiration.

"When did you figure it out?"

"Just now, though I've known my… nature for some time now."

Temari looked sidelong at him.

"Any guesses as to mine?"

Shikamaru looked at her long and hard. He guessed, and in confirmation, he was suddenly dry.

"It goes without saying that you will not tell your friends, nor any other underclassmen."

Shikamaru nodded.

"It helps train us to maintain the masquerade that must be put on for the occasional outsider."

'_At last, someone intelligent to talk to. Who knew it would be the violent one…then again, there's mom.'_

_­_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week later found Kankuro standing in front of the Nara ranch. The smell of cattle and their byproducts long tainting the air heading up to the grand establishment. The manor was old, maybe since before the founding of the town. It was in the style of the plantation mansions, a veranda extending under a similarly jutting roof. It was the first time he had visited there; the Naras were reclusive by nature, seldom visiting or receiving visitors. Kankuro, therefore, held some reservations as he knocked on the door. It opened with commendable swiftness. Mrs Nara seemed to be in her forties, yet carried her age with remarkable grace and poise. Her attire, a simple grey floor length skirt, and cream blouse hearkened back to the genteel fashions of the deep south. Despite all this, her voice held not but the slightest of a southern drawl.

"Why, hello there, let's see… you must be a Sabaku, you have your grandfather's chin."

"Well spotted, Mrs. Nara. May I speak to your son?"

"Of course, some in, he'll be down shortly."

She drew back from the doorway, then turned and shouted at the house in general,

"Shikamaru! Get your lazy butt down here!"

Kankuro wisely kept his surprise from showing. She led him to a sitting room and, fittingly, sat down, indicating he sit on another of the old style divan.

"By any chance, would you happen to have a sister named Temari?"

Her tone was pleasant enough, but it barely failed to contain the intensity of the personality behind it. _'What has she done now?' _ Kankuro thought worriedly, though a bit of exasperation thrown in for flavor.

"Indeed, she is one year my elder."

"I understand that she is beating my boy to get him to play games. Are you aware of this?"

'_Craaap crapcrap.'_

"I am unaware of her actions in particular, but she has a… forceful nature."

"Beating the Nara males is my job. Tell your sister I appreciate the help, it gets really tiring. This place alone requires so much maintenance. Ugh, where is that boy? He should be here by now."

She started pacing as Kankuro gathered his wits and resolved never to make any predictions regarding Yoshino Nara. She stopped and said,

"By the way, tell her that she's welcome anytime. You know what? Stay here, I'll get him."

She strode through the door as if one of the two lacked substance. In moments Shikamaru stumbled through the door, albeit in the normal way, using hinges and knobs and such. Mrs. Nara closed the door with a slam, leaving the two boys alone Shikamaru glowered at Kankuro.

"I was napping."

Kankuro shrugged.

"I'm just delivering a message. Temari wants you to attend the upcoming Halloween party at the Uchihas'. If you don't come she'll do something to you that I'm trying my best to forget the details of."

Shikamaru ran a hand through his hair.

"Any chance holing up here would keep her out?"

"I'm afraid not. Your mom just gave her permission to visit at any time."

"I thought so. Troublesome women have a secret organization, or maybe an oath of cooperation from birth. Fine. Tell her I'll be there."

"If it's any comfort, they just want to help you be better."

Shikamaru sighed.

"That's the worst part. I can't find fault their motives."

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Shikamaru tugged at the collar of the grey uniform.

"This. Is. Troublesome."

"Nonsense. You look just like your father."

Yoshino Nara lounged on a divan, a cat-like smile gracing her sharp features. Shikamaru shot a low-level glare her way. Another boy would have protested, but this one knew nothing he did would change her mind. He didn't have the energy to keep up.

"Satisfied?"

Mrs. Nara nodded happily. Shikamaru strode to the door and opened it. Somehow, he wasn't surprised to see Temari, nor did he offer to much resistance as she dragged him.

"I can drive, woman. You don't need to pick me up."

"You drive slowly."

This one sentence filled him with dread.

Shikamaru shakily got out of Temari's car. He was mildly surprised he wasn't dead. Temari dragged him inside with the steady, implacable pull of gravity or maybe just physical strength. She lead him into a foyer that, had Sakura been there, she would have recognized as the place where she and Sasuke had first dined together. As it was, the room had been redecorated to accommodate more guests and the proportional amount of food. One-armed furniture, such as might have been once used by a busty gothic host, boxed in the end to the hallway loosely. Along one side of the room lay two long tables in an L shape, bearing treats, drinks, and assorted tiny sandwiches. The small table in front of the fireplace was still there, now holding chessboard and the appropriate pieces. Shikamaru glanced at it with longing and a smidgen of curiosity. _'I wonder if she plays…' _It is probably significant to some psychologist that he noticed the chess set before Sasuke and Kankuro, the former reclining on one of the couch-things and the latter sat on the arm of another.

Sasuke smirked.

"Temari, you are such a cougar. Who's cradle did you rob this time?"

"By your count, you'd be a baby as well, so hold your peace."

Shikamaru was following the conversation with his secondary attention span. The primary one was still distracted by the huntress costume on the senior. He had a suspicion that the bow and quiver were authentic and well used weapons.

Shikamaru felt that mild discomfort that signals that the God of Conversation requires an offering.

"Where's Gaara?"

Sasuke shrugged and Temari worried. Whenever Gaara disappeared, things turned out badly, or at least, surprisingly. Having received the conversation ball, Sasuke spoke.

"A confederate uniform I see. Is it handmade or store-bought?"

Shikamaru opened his mouth, but Temari beat him to the punch.

"It's an original. Frankly, I don't know why he is using it so carelessly."

Shikamaru scowled.

"It's a family heirloom. They _insisted._"

Ah, parental intrusion, something every teen loathes at one time or another. Shikamaru glanced at the costumes of the other two boys, gleaning for a conversation topic. Kankuro wore a Japanese military uniform, somewhere near general in rank, complete with white gloves and, strangely, circular glasses with orange lenses. Sasuke wore dark, casual clothing more in line with emo fashion than his usual style. His hair was combed back, possible moused.

"I thought you didn't like Edward, Sasuke."

"I don't, but I'm not wearing this for me."

"Ah."

Shikamaru continued his examination of the décor. A few paces from the fireplace was a large, shoulder-height pumpkin. It was clearly manufactured, but unmarred by any mark or hole. This was more peculiar due to the myriad of jack-o-lanterns that rested on almost every flat surface of the room. Across from the food tables was a grand piano, a rock of normalcy amid a sea of shifting ornamentation. He surveyed the contents of the food tables, wondering if it was alright to poach a bit before the party got started. Temari sat, indicating he do the same. He chose to sit an arm's length away, what estimated was the furthest he could be without showing disrespect, or maybe fear. There were murmurs from the front door; it opened to reveal Ino, her hair dyed black and let down from the usual ponytail. She wore a long, plain white nightgown. Behind her was Naruto, in a blood red suit with black pinstripes, topped with a small set of horns nestled among his golden locks. He carried several plastic bags.

"-was any sexier, you'd have to keep me on a leash."

Ino shook her head, unconvinced.

"You are so weird, but I'm happy for the both of you."

She skipped over to Sasuke, then examined her fingernails, feigning disinterest.

"So… how's things with Sakura?"

She was rewarded with one of the few almost-blushes Sasuke exhibited in public.

"Fine." He said. "Not that it's any of your business."

"My my, that well, huh?"

He scowled and said nothing.

Meanwhile, Naruto pushed aside a tray of cookies and set down his two bags. He pulled out boxes of store-bought pastries and said to the room in general,

"I wasn't sure if there would be snacks, so I decided to bring some of my own."

Kankuro walked over to examine the offerings.

"Little Debbie?"

Naruto nodded with great solemnity.

"Little Debbie is my goddess."

Kankuro didn't quite know what to say to this; it was the first time he actually heard someone call a logo, a goddess. It was rather disturbing, yet charming in a way that was peculiar to Naruto. Thus he nodded and backed away, as any sane person should.

The door opened to admit guests once again. Hinata as a nun, and a stranger dressed as a Victorian gentleman passed through, followed by Kiba in the classic vampire getup. What caught Naruto's attention was Hinata's hand in the crook of the arm of the stranger, indicating a familiarity that did much to disturb his frame of mind. As he strode to the pair, he passed Kiba going the other way. Naruto tried to be nonchalant, part of him wondering what it was to be chalant, but Naruto was Naruto, so both endeavors were doomed to fail.

"Hey Hina, who's your friend here?"

The gentleman smiled, and spoke for her.

"Don't tell me you've forgotten me? It wasn't long ago that we had lunch together."

Naruto squinted at the "stranger", who doffed "his" hat, revealing the bun "he" had tied "his" hair into.

"Tenten, you are a scarily good cross-dresser. Don't tell me you use this to sneak into the men's locker room!"

She laughed.

"This is the first time, but now that you mention it, that is a good idea."

Naruto groaned.

"The old man would be proud, I made a woman into a pervert."

Tenten smirked.

"You're the one who immediately thought of the perverted use of cross-dressing, I just happen to agree."

Naruto turned his puppy eyes towards Hinata.

"You know I'm not a pervert, right?"

Hinata giggled behind her hand.

"I don't know what to believe anymore. How do you explain how quickly you thought of the voyeuristic use of her talent?"

"I can't help it! I'm such a genius that I instantly think of an unconventional use for anything."

Hinata hugged him in reassurance.

"It doesn't matter. Either way, I still love you."

He hugged her back, a goofy smile on his face.

Ino, meanwhile, was shaking with stifled laughter at the melodramatic swishes and flourishes Kiba performed on his way to her.

"You really love that cape, don't you?"

"It's so… dramatic! It is totally worth the trouble of snagging on stuff."

"Only you would say that. And maybe Naruto."

Kiba shrugged.

"Girls like to twirl in dresses, guys like to swoop around in capes."

Sakura walked in, a long white doctor's coat swishing about her legs. Sasuke stood up, remembering his manners. She smiled apologetically.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to get an umbrella to get to the car."

Sasuke glanced out a window.

"It's not raining."

CraKOOM. Patter patter patter.

"It's a conspiracy."

Sakura smirked.

"Whatever. And by the way, stick with the duck butt."

Sasuke stared at her for a long moment.

"I can't win tonight, can I?"

She pecked him on the cheek.

"I'm still here, and that's all the win you need."

He smiled ruefully.

"I suppose."

A resounding boom echoed from the west wing throughout the mansion. Temari's head whipped towards Sasuke.

"Do you know where Gaara is?"

He strode to the giant pumpkin and pushed it effortlessly.

"Not anymore. Let's hope he wasn't trying anything dangerous."

The hosts ran to the west corridor, following the echoes. The guests followed, worried, yet a small part of them wondered if this was somehow part of the night's activities.

They opened doors as they went, searching for evidence of Gaara's passage. The guests glimpsed walls covered in writing, furniture languishing under a thick layer of dust. Ino caught up to Sasuke.

"Who lived here?"

"My great-grandfather Madara. He went crazy in his later years, ranting about a good snake and a bad snake. My brother Itachi lives here now. Says the writing doesn't bother him since he's blind. I hope he heard where Gaara went, this isn't working."

They came to a set of double doors. They opened to reveal Itachi, an immense serpentine mural behind him. His snake blinked languidly as it coiled around his arm. Sasuke didn't look at his brother's face.

"Do you know where Gaara went?"

"Gaara?" Itachi stroked the snake thoughtfully.

"Follow me."

Ino frowned in confusion as Itachi lead them further down the hallway.

"I thought he was blind." She whispered.

"Blind, but not deaf, Ms. Yamanaka. I can hear very well."

Ino's face flushed in embarrassment.

"My apologies, Mr. Uchiha."

Itachi nodded, then opened a door, seemingly at random. The inside was much the same as the previous rooms, only the dust was disturbed, and a trapdoor lay open, a rug rolled beside it.

"Gaara! Are you alright?" Sasuke yelled into the dark passage.

Footsteps echoes up, then a voice drifted back.

"I am. The stone door fell, though."

He emerged, wearing a suit made to look like pumpkin innards, as well as a decent amount of dust.

"Thank you all for worrying about me. Shall we go back to the party?"

The night was lively to the bitter end, filled with games, bad karaoke, and sugar in various forms and solutions. Gaara sighed in contentment as he lay in his bed. His alarm clock filled the room with a gentle red glow that declared that the time as 1:32 AM. His bedroom door opened, and Itachi entered, preceded by his cane.

"What did you find."

Gaara wasn't particularly surprised at the intrusion.

"Madara's journals."

"Will you read the to me, later?"

"Of course."

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The ride back wasn't much better than the ride to the Uchiha residence. Shikamaru breathed easier when they came to a stop before his house. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. She was openly staring at him, her chin lifted, a challenging without words. Thus it fell to him to speak.

"I… enjoyed the party. Thank you for inviting me."

"You're welcome. It's been a while since Kankuro had a new opponent."

The challenging look was still there. It was this sense of expectation that made him think deeper about the situation. In the past, she had forced him into whatever social function she felt he must attend. At this point in time, he had fulfilled the barest social obligation Temari thought was appropriate. From this point on, he was free to choose what niceties he would observe, above the current level. Now the choice; he could remain distant acquaintances, or actually get to know her. In retrospect, fencing with her intellectually and the various battles won and lost in their peculiar arena meant more to him than the countless chess games, the countless books he ran through. It would be crass to say she was more entertaining, but on some level it was true. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that time was best spent in her company. A new opponent was nice indeed.

"I know my mother has already said this, but for what it's worth, you are always welcome in my home."

He saw a certain warmth in her eyes when she said, "Thank you.", and to him, that warmth was as the breath of life that was blown into the figure of clay.

------------ --------------------- --------------- --------------------- -------------------------------------------------- --------------------------

_AN: Almost none of this was in the plan, except naruto's quote had to end up somewhere. As for my favorite character, you have one guess. In retrospect, spoon is rather like a magically oriented Eureka, for those who have seen said program. If anyone would like to beta, please drop me a line. _


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